This is a nasty little shortie written for the exclusive Waterstone’s paperback edition of Dark Blood. It’s got nudity, dismemberment, more nudity and a concrete garden gnome with its backside hanging out.

You’ve got to love concrete garden gnomes with their arse hanging out. Not physically, not like a man loves a womon, or a woman loves another woman, or a man loves another man, or a politician loves a sheep and a brown envelope full of cash, but you know what I mean. When I was aked to put something forward for the edition, I offered them The Ballad Of Manky Milne, but apparently all that septic-tankiness was just too much ick.