Reach out and touch someone*
Before we get all technical and computery, why don't we have a go at the old-fashioned time-honoured method of communication? Try pressing your cheek up against the screen and making little mouse-like noises. Try to squeak in morse code. And don't leave greasy nose-prints on your monitor. No one likes greasy nose-prints.
And if that doesn't work, you can always try filling in this little form:
If I don't get back to you it's nothing personal, it's because I'm generally pretty swamped and unfortunately I just don't have time to answer every email and write books at the same time, much though I'd love to. So please accept my apologies in advance and know that I'll do my best.
* Though not without their permission, obviously. Otherwise you're going to find yourself on the Sex Offenders' Register.